Witchy little risks 1-10

Before I left my career as a clinical pharmacist and started my business, I spoke to a friend who had started her own practice as a functional medicine nurse practitioner. She had just been able to quit her side gig to focus on her own practice full time, an incredible feat under any circumstances, and especially in the wake of the pandemic and while raising a toddler. She said that one of the biggest surprises of starting her own business was that it was like therapy on steroids. It was like confronting all of her self-doubt and insecurities at the same time, all while her financial independence and security in the world were at stake. She said it was really really hard.

As I started my business, I realized how right she was. To think I have something to offer the world while feeling very much like I have an infinity of growth to do myself is a recipe for second guesses and doubt. It was easy to find value in myself as a pharmacist working at one of the most well-known and prestigious medical institutions in the world; it’s another ballgame entirely to think about my value for the unique experiences I’ve had, the perspective I’ve gained, and for just being me. This is where faith comes in.

Now, faith is a word I never thought I would say earnestly, let alone write in a blog post describing myself. For my whole life, I prided myself in being a proponent of reason, of using logic and judgment to navigate the world. I thought feelings were weak and spirituality was hooey. Somehow, though, faith found its way to me. After countless synchronicities and aha moments, the compassion of patient friends and teachers, the labor-of-love books, and then the hours of meditation that followed, I came to have faith in something larger than, but also very much within myself – I’ll call it a soul calling.  This sense of purpose has helped me navigate forward on my path, leaving behind what was comfortable, safe, and known. I don’t know exactly what my path forward looks like each step of the way, but I’ve had glimpses of what’s to come, and this is how I know to keep going even when other people think I’m nutty or I hit a big old road block. I am on the right path for me, and knowing this is a thing of beauty.

One of the little insights I’ve had in this soul calling is the importance of taking positive risks, 1000 of them to be specific. My hope is that my doing this will clarify my own path forward, but also that these risks may give someone else a spark of an idea to move forward on their path. As Ram Dass said, “we are all just walking each other home,” and I’d love to ease someone’s journey by going first into the unknown.

I’ll post a snapshot of the risks on my Instagram page and then debrief here on the Pretty Mirror blog. I’m always delighted to have company, so don’t be shy if this project resonates with you and you want to come along!

Witchy little risks 1-10:

#1 Going to the library to work – As much as I love people, I was a homebody for most of my life. I didn’t want to be seen, and I chose to stick with what was comfortable – my couch. Several positive risks happened to get me to the point where I feel like I can take up space, and I still apologize for just standing sometimes. Going to the library to work was a nice transition into this project – I got to take up space on purpose, I got to feel other people’s energy as they were working and reading and learning, and I got to see something other than my living room. I also discovered that the Stevens Memorial Library has a library of things, like instruments! I will be storing this tidbit away for the future, so I can try a new musical instrument as a risk down the line…

Stevens Memorial Library in North Andover, MA

#2 Trying and cooking a new food – I have never been a cook. I’ve experimented with making things here and there, but I admit, I do a lot of takeout. I have also been a bit limited in terms of what foods I was willing to try. Last year was the first time I ate lobster and oysters, and I just started getting cozy with mushrooms within the last couple of months. For this risk, I decided to try another new food – the shiitake mushroom; I’ve never had them or cooked them before, but fungi have fascinated me recently, and not just the psychedelic ones. I love the idea that fungi are the little connectors of all life through their mycelial network. I’m all about weaving webs to connect us all, and mushrooms are excellent teachers for this.  I have to say, I rocked cooking them. They were delicious. Cheers to many more mushrooms.

Shiitake mushrooms and soba noodles

#3 Spiritual webinar hosted by Maureen Whitehouse – As I mentioned before, I was not a spiritual person at all until very recently, so I still feel like putting myself in a setting to learn something in a spiritual context is a risk. This experience was pretty exciting, though, as it was a risk that was born of several other little risks that came before.  I came to know about the webinar because I met Maureen, the host, at a plant walk in Cambridge the week prior. We met while waiting for our teacher, Alex Klein outside of Cambridge Naturals, an herbal shop. She was warm, curious, and had these big earnest blue eyes. We got to chatting and she told me what she did for work – spiritual psychotherapist, which felt very much in the vicinity of what I am doing now. We exchanged info and there I was being invited to her free webinar. Let me back up, though, because the reason I was even in Cambridge was that I had met Alex Klein the weekend before that at the Roots Rendezvous, and attending this retreat was another positive risk! The takeaway here is that one little risk can lead to many more to follow, unlocking possibilities for friendships, learning, and help along the way. It’s total magick.

#4 Ellie in a commercial – My husband makes TV commercials for Subaru of New England, and he needed a star for their Subaru Loves Pets campaign. Pretty little Ellie was an obvious choice. The risk in this for me was potentially being on camera with her. As I mentioned, I spent a good bit of my life not wanting to be seen. When I was unhappy with my weight and my body, I avoided the camera entirely. It’s been a slow process to feel ok on film, and this was a potentially bigger audience than my Instagram posts for friends. One step at a time.

Ellie being so smooth

#5 Book-writing boot camp – a few months ago, I took a class on honing your spiritual gits at a metaphysical shop near my house with my bestie, Katie. When we entered the room, there were tarot cards at each seat, and the seat Katie guided me to had a badger card on it. At one point in the class, the facilitators had us find the person in the room who had the matching animal tarot card, and that’s when I met Caroline. Caroline also worked in the medical field, also was dissatisfied with her work, and also wanted to find a way to do something with her art, poetry, storytelling, energy healing. We were an excellent pair and connected on so many levels. We’ve stayed in touch and encouraged each other since that day, and she sent me a link to do a book-writing boot camp through the publisher Hay House, which she had also done the year prior. I felt like it was a risk to even think about writing a book, but it’s long been something I’ve wanted for my life. I went to the first of 4 x2-hour classes, and it was an inspiring little boost. I am going to hold tight to the audacity to think I can write a book.

#6 Speed networking – During my harrowing adventure putting up flyers to advertise the new biz, I met Joe, the president of the Merrimack Valley Chamber of Commerce. He pulled me into the fold, and now I have the privilege to attend networking events and meet amazing people involved in local business. At this speed networking event, I met people like Jill, who left her job as a pharmaceutical sales rep to try out a happier life and start her own ice cream catering company. I met Jane, who moved to MA from LA and is starting her own lifestyle magazine to capture living in Andover because she loves to build community. I met Cynthia, who works as a headhunter, but also has a local TV show to help people navigate the grueling job search process. It was a night of meeting incredible people following their passion and working hard to live in alignment. I am so grateful for these moments when I get to learn from and be inspired by other folks moving big energy.

#7 Hot yoga – I have done yoga a handful of times in my life. I have never felt called to stick with it, though. My hands get so sweaty and slip on the mat, I’ve never had great confidence in my balance, and I haven’t prioritized building upper body strength, instead preferring running, walking, hiking, and biking. These were great reasons to try it again! In the end, I can’t say I loved it – I had to take a lot of breaks and I definitely didn’t eat or drink enough beforehand, but I met some wonderful people. I met Teri, the owner, who worked many years as an American Sign Language interpreter but found the wear and tear on her body so intense that she had to seek out healing. She found yoga, and it was so transformative in her own life, she built a business to share it with others.

#8 Reaching out to a friend whom I had hurt– in the early planning stages of Witchy and Well, I had a partner. We were excited to build something together, and we had the same passion for integrating our witchiness in our work. What we didn’t share was a vision for the details and how best to move forward. I came to the conclusion that I had to do this alone. I had to shoot my arrow and bring my vision to life as I saw it in my mind without compromise. I felt terrible guilt in parting ways with my partner, but I had to do it for me. I think one of the hardest things we have to navigate in our lives is the balance between other people’s wants and needs and our own. We are allowed to pursue our soul calling. We are allowed to live our lives in the most aligned way for us, AND we very much still have the opportunity to treat others with compassion along the way. I reached out to my former business partner to check in and offer support, but she did not respond. I can hold space for this – I can hold space for her. I will keep hoping.

#9 Not using GPS – I have long been dependent on my GPS to get me pretty much anywhere. I am in the habit of using it even for places I know how to get to. I have also used it so compulsively that I do not know how to get places that other people would find surprising. For this ongoing risk, I am limiting my GPS use as much as I can. It feels good to count on myself to get where I need to go, and I always have the option to get myself un-lost if need be – bring on the chats with gas station attendants!

#10 Pottery class – I loved working with clay as a kid, but I haven’t done any sculpting since a ceramics class in college. The class for this risk was an intro to the pottery wheel. I knew this would be a risk – those wheels are not easy to use, and my recovering perfectionist self would have a hard time being ok with making imperfect pots. I brought my bestie, Katie, along, and we laughed the whole time with our two neighbors. We rejoiced together in all of our triumphs, and we cursed the wheel collectively for our failures. It was a great chance to form a mini, temporary community as we all took a little leap together. It was a great lesson learned that when people put themselves into situations where they will likely fail, at least initially, great bonding may ensue!

Imperfect pots